When an important and long-hoped-for event doesn’t happen as quickly as you would like, you probably take a breath and go on to something else and say to yourself “All in good time.” You busy yourself with something else that’s important and take your mind off what you want but cannot yet have. You demonstrate maturity and evenness. You take satisfaction, knowing that you are setting a good example for those of tender years.
Me? The Dark Angel of Impatience alights on my left shoulder and shrieks in my ear. I do not shoo her away because her feelings and my own are too much the same. I am left unable to concentrate. I snap at the people who love me. I pace. I channel surf aimlessly, as if I could find what I want being pitched in alluring tones by Fabio on the Home Boy Shopping Network. I hurl mustard-flavored invective at innocent drivers who slow me down on my commute to work. I threaten small and defenseless pets and make them pee on the carpet. I brood.
So it goes with ‘Church of Golf.’
October 15 once looked like a safe bet for the date on which the world could go to Amazon, click a button and expect to receive a hard copy of ‘Church of Golf’ via the U.S. Postal Service. The same date looked good for Kindle downloads. Not any more.
Editors who are far more cautious than seems reasonable are checking and re-checking text and cover art and then sending late-night messages to me to ensure that I have checked and re-checked text and cover art. When I respond, and expect confirmation that publication is imminent, I get notified of additional rounds of editing and checking, all of which requires my re-review.
You know those old Star Trek episodes where Captain Kirk, sitting on the bridge in the high-tech control chair, yells in the intercom to Scotty, demanding Warp 9? And Scotty yells back “Cap’n — she’s giving all she’s got.” Well, I find myself sympathizing with the Kirkster. It’s no fun carrying around the feeling that everything sacred is moments away from being vaporized by a Klingon battle cruiser.
So ‘Church of Golf’ is not yet available on Amazon, the single most popular outlet for books on the planet.
However, ‘Church of Golf’ is available on Barnesandnoble.com for anyone with a Nook reading device (a group that, I am told, numbers slightly over 100 worldwide). It is also available on Smashwords.com in a variety of formats, including one that is ‘compatible with’ the Kindle. In this context, I suspect that ‘compatible with’ means ‘capable of being read with slight difficulty.’
I yearn to have friends and loved ones able to read my clever prose formatted smoothly so that every chapter begins with a right-facing page and with curlicues that mark the end of each section, making the experience of reading a piece of light fiction feel all literary and stuff. I eagerly await my chance to autograph a real paper copy of ‘Church of Golf.’ My gut burns with the knowledge that we’re not quite there.
I suspect the date for availability on Amazon will end up being November 6 or thereabouts. Please stay tuned.
More to come, no doubt.